We're at this stage in life where we reminisce too much of our near past, worry too much about our near future, are
too clueless about everything that can, will, may happen to us, think we know alot, think we don't know anything,
am confident about the wrong things, take pride in wasting time away, want too much but want to do too little.
Ohwell.
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Where the river always flows
It's funny how every night I watch my sister slip out of the house as quietly as she can so my mother will not be waken up by the noise and call her on her handphone to ask where does she think she's going (she means it both ways, literally and figuratively). And I won't know what to do. Usually I just keep quiet, because I don't want my mother to trouble herself giving 8 missed calls to my sister before finally giving up and lose sleep anyway. And my father will talk incessantly the whole night about how my sister is already out of hand.
And in case you're wondering why she has so much time to get out every night, she just completed poly and in her words, waiting for results when even Spongebob from Neptune knows all third year poly kids know their results already. She doesn't want to continue uni, because in her words cannot get in (she's so sure even though she doesn't know her results yet).
And every morning, when my mother comes into the room to wake me up, she'll realise my sister's not in, and she'll ask me where's she, and I'll say she went out, and she'll ask me when, and I'll say last night around 10pm, and she'll ask me to close the door after I leave the room so my father will think my sister's still sleeping inside so he will not start the she's-getting-worse talk.
And, you've no idea what sort of sarcasm I go through in the house with my two sisters. They each have their own problems with my parents, while I don't. They hate me, and the only reason I can think of is my parents like me, alot. And if I ever quarrel with either of them, and if my parents have to take sides, they'll side me. To my parents, I'm like the nerd to the teacher; my sisters are like the hooligans of the school.
And you've no idea how many times I felt so Helpless I strangle teddy bears. Sometimes the sarcasm is overwhelming. Like when my eldest sis called home at 8.15pm on a Monday night and asked my mum to help her record Campus Superstar, and my mum was already recording Spongebob for me, my sister vent on me when she came home. She reached home at 8.45pm, realised she missed her favourite contestant's singing. Then my second sis said things like your Campus superstar where got as important as Somebody's cartoon, and my eldest sis said oh yah hor. The CARTOON more important lah, of course mah. and I didn't say anything. And my brother who happened to be around on a rare Monday night covered for me and said things like the campus superstars aren't much to watch anyway since they're so lousy and where's the need to create hoo-has over a stupid show that only stupid people watch.
It's stupid, but there are about a thousand other incidents occurring in the house whenever I'm around with either or both of my sisters. They keep trying to put me down, and some days I get so annoyed I say mean things I don't mean. Like I'll point out to my second sis how it's impossible to NOT know her results yet, and how long she intends to stay home and not find work.
I know she deserves a break, but those were the exact same things she said to me two days after my A's ended. Sometimes I wonder if I wanted a job at that time because I wanted to prove a point, I don't know, I probably did.
I find myself counting down to the time my eldest sis gets married so I won't have to put up with her anymore. I just shocked myself being so blatant because I thought I can never confess these thoughts, even to myself.
And, I hate to watch my parents age. I hate to see my father sitting in the living room, lost in his thoughts and staring into space with a frown. I hate to see him getting all worked up, his face flushed when he's angry. He's not young anymore, and like many others his age, he has heart problems, on long-term medication. I hope they will stop giving problems to them, and just stick to being goody two-shoes like I am.
They don't even dream of us doing extremely well, excelling or whatnots. They just want you to pick up your call when they phone you, talk to them nicely and not like they owe it to you, be decent, be honest, be home.
I just think that, at their age, what they should be experiencing now is bliss and happiness instead of worry and grouchiness.
You have no idea.
* Please leave out the comments like Things will get better, Don't worry everything will be alright, Hang on, Jiayou, Treasure what you have nevertheless. I know all that. Those are the cliches I say to others, and it gets doubly irritating when others tell you what you tell others. It's almost mocking, Ah can say cannot do is it?
9:58:00 PM because I say so
And in case you're wondering why she has so much time to get out every night, she just completed poly and in her words, waiting for results when even Spongebob from Neptune knows all third year poly kids know their results already. She doesn't want to continue uni, because in her words cannot get in (she's so sure even though she doesn't know her results yet).
And every morning, when my mother comes into the room to wake me up, she'll realise my sister's not in, and she'll ask me where's she, and I'll say she went out, and she'll ask me when, and I'll say last night around 10pm, and she'll ask me to close the door after I leave the room so my father will think my sister's still sleeping inside so he will not start the she's-getting-worse talk.
And, you've no idea what sort of sarcasm I go through in the house with my two sisters. They each have their own problems with my parents, while I don't. They hate me, and the only reason I can think of is my parents like me, alot. And if I ever quarrel with either of them, and if my parents have to take sides, they'll side me. To my parents, I'm like the nerd to the teacher; my sisters are like the hooligans of the school.
And you've no idea how many times I felt so Helpless I strangle teddy bears. Sometimes the sarcasm is overwhelming. Like when my eldest sis called home at 8.15pm on a Monday night and asked my mum to help her record Campus Superstar, and my mum was already recording Spongebob for me, my sister vent on me when she came home. She reached home at 8.45pm, realised she missed her favourite contestant's singing. Then my second sis said things like your Campus superstar where got as important as Somebody's cartoon, and my eldest sis said oh yah hor. The CARTOON more important lah, of course mah. and I didn't say anything. And my brother who happened to be around on a rare Monday night covered for me and said things like the campus superstars aren't much to watch anyway since they're so lousy and where's the need to create hoo-has over a stupid show that only stupid people watch.
It's stupid, but there are about a thousand other incidents occurring in the house whenever I'm around with either or both of my sisters. They keep trying to put me down, and some days I get so annoyed I say mean things I don't mean. Like I'll point out to my second sis how it's impossible to NOT know her results yet, and how long she intends to stay home and not find work.
I know she deserves a break, but those were the exact same things she said to me two days after my A's ended. Sometimes I wonder if I wanted a job at that time because I wanted to prove a point, I don't know, I probably did.
I find myself counting down to the time my eldest sis gets married so I won't have to put up with her anymore. I just shocked myself being so blatant because I thought I can never confess these thoughts, even to myself.
And, I hate to watch my parents age. I hate to see my father sitting in the living room, lost in his thoughts and staring into space with a frown. I hate to see him getting all worked up, his face flushed when he's angry. He's not young anymore, and like many others his age, he has heart problems, on long-term medication. I hope they will stop giving problems to them, and just stick to being goody two-shoes like I am.
They don't even dream of us doing extremely well, excelling or whatnots. They just want you to pick up your call when they phone you, talk to them nicely and not like they owe it to you, be decent, be honest, be home.
I just think that, at their age, what they should be experiencing now is bliss and happiness instead of worry and grouchiness.
You have no idea.
* Please leave out the comments like Things will get better, Don't worry everything will be alright, Hang on, Jiayou, Treasure what you have nevertheless. I know all that. Those are the cliches I say to others, and it gets doubly irritating when others tell you what you tell others. It's almost mocking, Ah can say cannot do is it?
9:58:00 PM because I say so