We're at this stage in life where we reminisce too much of our near past, worry too much about our near future, are
too clueless about everything that can, will, may happen to us, think we know alot, think we don't know anything,
am confident about the wrong things, take pride in wasting time away, want too much but want to do too little.
Ohwell.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Life
It's 12.53am, it's a Saturday, I don't have work later, I feel sleepy and I don't feel like sleeping. I don't know why.
I feel like at 18, we should all be really enjoying ourselves but I don't know what exactly is my definition of enjoyment. Are late nights out with friends my idea of enjoyment? I don't think so. As much as I like being around people, I like being alone. I'm so ironic I feel like I'm overflowing with iron instead of what the doctor insists (he says I lack iron in my blood). Anyway, I don't know if I'm handling my life well. Getting a job that I don't mind, I mean, I like my job, I'm fine with it, but doesn't it always end up in a line of questions circling your mind, what if I'm not actually working now? Will I better spend my time elsewhere?
I don't know, but whatever I do, I feel like I should be doing something else. Like if I'm out with friends, I feel like I should be home spending more time alone, or with my family, watching my overdued recorded Spongebob episodes (I haven't watched last Saturday's you know, and it's this Saturday already), making cheesecakes, make some cards... Or go to the library to get a book before they freeze my account on 1st April due to $6.15 outstanding fines. Or clear my $6.15 library fines for that matter. Speaking of which, when was the last time I found time to read a good novel?
But, when I'm home, resting, when I'm not out with friends, I feel like I should be doing something more than just spending time on the computer, facebooking, blogging, blog-reading, jaying, watching videos. I feel like I should be out there, somewhere, doing something that makes me and people around me laugh.
I never seem to be happy with my position. It's very weird.
Like, when I'm watching a movie, I wish I'm eating Swensen's ice cream. When I'm eating Swensen's ice cream, I wish I'm singing KTV. When I'm at the KTV, I wish I'm home being my zai nu. When I'm home being zai nu, I wish I'm playing bridge with friends. When I'm playing bridge with friends, I wish I'm playing badminton... and the list never ends. I feel like I'm always doing what I felt like doing before, at a time when I least feel like doing it.
I don't know, what are we supposed to be doing this period of time, before results are out (which I believe is going to be out really soon, and I forgot I should be afraid of it). Working? Staying home? Learning driving?
I'm hungry.
*
On a completely different note, I think it's extremely difficult to meet somebody who has a real similar frequency as you. Like, feeling what you're feeling at the moment, similar reactions, similar mindsets, or even similar circle of friends and similar family backgrounds. I probably met someone like that before, a long time back. Alright maybe not.
It's 1.12am. My head's spinning, I must get some sleep.
Good night.
12:53:00 AM because I say so
I feel like at 18, we should all be really enjoying ourselves but I don't know what exactly is my definition of enjoyment. Are late nights out with friends my idea of enjoyment? I don't think so. As much as I like being around people, I like being alone. I'm so ironic I feel like I'm overflowing with iron instead of what the doctor insists (he says I lack iron in my blood). Anyway, I don't know if I'm handling my life well. Getting a job that I don't mind, I mean, I like my job, I'm fine with it, but doesn't it always end up in a line of questions circling your mind, what if I'm not actually working now? Will I better spend my time elsewhere?
I don't know, but whatever I do, I feel like I should be doing something else. Like if I'm out with friends, I feel like I should be home spending more time alone, or with my family, watching my overdued recorded Spongebob episodes (I haven't watched last Saturday's you know, and it's this Saturday already), making cheesecakes, make some cards... Or go to the library to get a book before they freeze my account on 1st April due to $6.15 outstanding fines. Or clear my $6.15 library fines for that matter. Speaking of which, when was the last time I found time to read a good novel?
But, when I'm home, resting, when I'm not out with friends, I feel like I should be doing something more than just spending time on the computer, facebooking, blogging, blog-reading, jaying, watching videos. I feel like I should be out there, somewhere, doing something that makes me and people around me laugh.
I never seem to be happy with my position. It's very weird.
Like, when I'm watching a movie, I wish I'm eating Swensen's ice cream. When I'm eating Swensen's ice cream, I wish I'm singing KTV. When I'm at the KTV, I wish I'm home being my zai nu. When I'm home being zai nu, I wish I'm playing bridge with friends. When I'm playing bridge with friends, I wish I'm playing badminton... and the list never ends. I feel like I'm always doing what I felt like doing before, at a time when I least feel like doing it.
I don't know, what are we supposed to be doing this period of time, before results are out (which I believe is going to be out really soon, and I forgot I should be afraid of it). Working? Staying home? Learning driving?
I'm hungry.
*
On a completely different note, I think it's extremely difficult to meet somebody who has a real similar frequency as you. Like, feeling what you're feeling at the moment, similar reactions, similar mindsets, or even similar circle of friends and similar family backgrounds. I probably met someone like that before, a long time back. Alright maybe not.
It's 1.12am. My head's spinning, I must get some sleep.
Good night.
12:53:00 AM because I say so