I feel my eyelids burning. What's wrong with this crazy weather?

Letter to Weatherman

Dear Weatherman,

This April, I hate you. I really hate you. Why are you burning us like that? WHY? Do you know, yesterday during lunchtime, me and a group walked to Meridian for lunch and it was horrible? That the air-con food court seemed not air-conned at all? Do you know I ate briyani because I wanted to eat PAPADUM? That's beside the point BUT do you know how many times I secretly swore at you because of the crazy sun?

Anyway, I just have to say, the briyani at Meridian is crazy. It costs $6 but the proportion is like $60 to me. Seriously, when I just couldn't eat anymore, the plate still looks like when I just bought it.

Anyway anyway, Weatherman you suck. Do you know I can be sitting around now and not doing anything and YET I still feel like swearing at you for making the sun shine like that? Do you know how much I hate the sun? You don't? NOW YOU DO. Make the sun go away. Alright I know I'm being difficult, the last time it kept raining I asked for the rain to go away. BUT I didn't ask for sun like that. I don't mind sun behind lots of clouds, plus WIND. PLEASE GRANT US WIND.

Until the whole of Singapore is air-conditioned, I'll try to stay home as much as possible. And it's all because of you, YOU weatherman, I hate you.

Do something about it already.

Lots of fuck-yous,
Sandy

10:41:00 AM because I say so

With your hand in mine, let's dash fields, let's forget names, let's get lost somewhere pulchritudinous. Let's spend a day and a night out in the wild, getting cuts on knees and running out of water to drink. Let's not wake up from this dream.

The beauty of indefiniteness lies in hope, you say.
I didn't reply, but I would like certainty more; the beauty of definiteness lies in security, I think.

7:46:00 PM because I say so

I, am leaving home in maybe an hour's time but I'm not moving because I feel like I just woke up, which is true.

Okay wait, did I watch Spongebob yesterday? -drops into deep thought- Ohyea I did, but it was a repeat, but it's still funny the second time I watch it. Patrick and his song. Twinkle twinkle Patrick star. :D

Anyway, I was saying, I think I should sms Bugs/Mel to tell them to meet at a later time.

ALRIGHT, Mel just asked me to meet half an hour earlier instead. .________.

Okay, I got to rush. Meh.

Oh. We just canceled it. :D

I'm home alone, hungry and cold without breakfast because my parents went Malaysia for a day. But! I'm meeting gillian and chunying later in the evening to play squashhhh! :D Maybe I can ask chunying out to lunch and stone and stone and stone first. I want to go AMK hub, it feels like 2 years since I last went there.

I should play Viwawa in the meantime. And meet chunying when I'm hungry.

I think I'll quit in June and then be a zai nu for two weeks. Zai nus wan sui.

:D

10:02:00 AM because I say so

There is the apprehension of hope, sweet anxiety, fetching fearfulness. And a small streak of impossibility. Yet I can be so certain at times, just by the sound of your coming, just by the locks of eyes, the colloquy. I think I know, I think I don't. I think I'm infallible, I think I'm clueless. I think, I think not, I don't think.

Is there something I must do.

10:58:00 PM because I say so

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Everyone would be mummery flummery. Everything would have meaningless mean. Everything will Fiddle the Faddle fala-la frog.

Later tonight I'll go to sleep after thinking and promising to remember today, later tonight I'll drift into states where fungalala happens, where only we know what fungalala means. Later in the morning I'll wake up happy, I'll forget yesterday, but I know, I know, you're still there to remind me what fungalala is.

10:04:00 PM because I say so

Today, I made myself white coffee during work because it was so bad, I was really sleeping, and keeping awake was more difficult than during double Econs or double GP, or quadruple Econs cum GP. A big Z was hanging over my head and the thought of TODAY IS ONLY TUESDAY makes me want to drop dead and die sleep.

"Today I asked a student to scold himself cuz I didn't want to scold him for not doing his compo and he pointed at himself and shouted CHEEBYE. omg. Super funny."

I laughed so hard on the bus, ohmytian, I love Andersonians, they are so cute right! That message is from PriscillalovesPhelps by the way, she's a relief teacher back at Anderson for two weeks, lucky her!

For my birthday this year, you can wrap up an adorable Andersonian (AAA!) for me. Lol. Alright, you can get me jotterbooks, I've been saying I want jotterbooks for years, and the ones I got aren't the orginal ones. Jotterbooks are supposed to have blank off-yellow pages, not white lined ones. Or you can get me that giraffe pattern twin pencils from Times bookstore. I think it's about $2. I only want the giraffe pattern ogay, the others don't look pretty.

Alright, it's my NINETEENTH birthday, what can I possibly ask for?

You can print me a magazine that says NINETEEN instead of SEVENTEEN to convince me we're all still young virant lads.

You can... make me something, you've about two weeks to do so. You can make me a charming card, or a uh, toy, or an Amazing Andersonian (lol), you can sew me a shirt HAHA or knit me a glove because my workplace freezes hands. Jackets are no good because the sleeves end where palms begin.

If all fails just write me a note. On green-apple-green construction paper. Or Solaris-yellow. You can mail it to my address because I love receiving letters through post. It's exciting because you won't know who it's from. If you're illiterate and you can't spell or you lost your hands in a scissors-paper-stone showdown, you can send me an empty envelope, I'll feel your thoughts HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Alright I'll mail myself birthday notes and pretend I don't know who they are from. Ohmy so exciting!

PS: I replied all the tags but Sandy (don't you miss her!) ate all my tags because she was tangry (tag-hungry).

9:44:00 PM because I say so

I, don't know why I still bother pretending you do not annoy me, when this must be the worst it had ever been, if my eyes were Swiss they'll be cake (Swiss rolls, funny not), I, don't know why I bother considering we can be friends, that I should make an effort to hang around, that I should bother at all, because things just plunge like waterfalls into potholes, because every other minute I'm counting down to the next, because suddenly you mean so little I can hardly count you anymore, let alone count on you, I don't understand why I still bother pretending you matter, when I'm way more comfortable around people who act like I do, who do the sames things I do, who live the same life, because to me instead of asking about which branded stuff you just recently got, I'll care more about asking about your job and your job experience and I'll care more about things like office politics or funny childish colleagues or such, and instead of asking about which friend you just knew 2days ago from which club is so-and-so and how fun clubbing is, I'll care more about things like universities, whether we should take up hostels, whether we're looking forward to it etc.

I digress.

I hate to think why when you cross this age, clubbing is the norm, you club you cool, even if you don't drink, even if you don't dance, you just SHOULD club, even if you say no, you just SHOULD come, even if you want to sleep, you just SHOULD join, even if you are getting angry, you just SHOULD be a sport, etc.

Back to what I was saying, you, YOU, I hate everything about you, stop, can't you for a moment STOP, thinking so highly of yourself, you make me sick, and want to stampede on you, and so too many damn times I felt like screaming, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN, but that will be a slap in my own face, because I was out of my mind today, and as much as I don't want things to end this way, (they usually don't) I can't be bothered to pretend you matter anymore, you probably do, just not to me, and as I realised it, it has been like this all along, probably it was me who didn't want to admit being who.

I feel great, because I know I'm so much better off now.

*

I'll get my gray highlights this weekend nmw, ros.


Nothing's exciting this week at work except that's it's the 15th soon so there'll be stationeries requisition and ho.

PS: I've a very bad habit of not replying to tags. Till by the time I do it'll be too late to, like replying to Weeyang now about his comment over KTV is funny because WEEYANG YOU PANGSEH-ED US THAT DAY, and I don't even know if he tagged before that outing, after that outing, or during that outing. My response vary for each yaknow.

8:39:00 PM because I say so

I can't stop listening to hooking songs like this.

Ching a ling, ching a ling
Ching a ling, ching a ling
Take me down to the fields where the grasses, where the grasses, lie

9:21:00 AM because I say so

It's Sunday, my horoscope from Tuesday/Wednesday said if I'm waiting for some kind of results, I can forget about receiving them this week because it's not going to come so soon.

I hope horoscope next week will say something like my future is bright and wonderful and I'll receive some ADMISSION LETTER PLEASE.

:(

Exciting Sunday ahead!

8:42:00 AM because I say so

MRT should be a town on its own because I keep bumping into people on board. Not bumping like I push you you ah and fall down and I laugh kind of bumping. I meant running into people you know. Not running into them like I drive car and run you over and you ah and die and I laugh kind of running into. I meant, I think you get my point.

And counting, it's the fourth day I haven't seen my second sis. If I'm 7 I'll think she crawled into the TV the way the Jap ghost crawled out of it. If I'm 4 I'll think she's hiding in my non-existent sailormoon bag. If I'm 1 I'll think, I'll think I won't think at all.

That's it! We should all be one year olds.

...

Nevermind.

*

On a happier note, my mother had started on the Sudoku book(s) I bought her. She's currently at Book 1, Gentle, the number 17th or 18th puzzle. She's also using my mechanical pencil and my eraser because she's very prone to mistakes; what amazes me is she erases everything off once she realises there's an error somewhere without even flinching.

Why didn't I take up that patience?

*

Last night I had fun. Okay I suck at recounting nowadays. I uh went out with uh a group of uh friends uh from JC uh to uh Newton uh uh Decoders' uh to uh surprise uh Bugs with uh a bunny cake and a uh uh uh uh.

Okay you can read Sheralyn's blog if you are a piece of blue cheese from Hungary.

Last last night I had fun too. I uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uhuh. Yep, fun isn't it.

Two nights out leave me very sleepy and it's Yayness Friday. I'm going out with Mum tomorrow and I've no idea where to go yet.

And Mel, HANDSOME SUIT WHEN. I can't wait!

*

Today on train I gave my seat up for this lady I was dead sure she's pregnant. Turns out she wasn't. She scolded me for being nosy ('duo shi'). I felt super indignant I felt like shouting at her for wearing something that screams Maternity Wear. Or if I'm mean enough I could have said then she must be really meaty ('duo rou'). And guess what? I said, sorry, and alighted. WHY CAN'T I SHOW HOW MEAN I AM. WHY. WHYYYYY?!

I've 4 days to finish reading the 4th book I borrowed from WRL.

The paragraphs don't link.

*

I figured a theory just now but I can't find its relevance anywhere.

I can't remember much of it now but it runs somewhere along the lines of the maximum age difference between a couple for true love to exists. There must be a formula to calculate it, somehow. But then if something associated with love can be calculated using a formula, that love must be unreal.

Which then renders my theory meaningless because then there will be no theory, again.

And my thoughts carried on running round in circles like that till I landed on something quite solid.

I forgot.

Alright I need some sleep. Byee.

10:12:00 PM because I say so

I'm turning 19 soon, and that means it's not 18 anymore. It's the two years between being 18 and 21 that leaves you nowhere. You can't call yourself an adult, but you can't call yourself a young vibrant lad either.

Okay of course I can. Hello I'm Young Vibrant Lad. Please call me YVL.

I HATE FISH AND CO, I AM SO NOT STEPPING INTO THAT PLACE IN APRIL OR EARLY MAY. NO DON'T TRY CONVINCING ME. I HATE FISH AND CHIPS. THEY REMIND ME OF GREEN GOOEY GRUESOME GLUE. I HATE FISH AND CO AND THEIR FISH AND CO FISH AND CO CO, FISH AND CO FISH AND CO CO, BIRTHDAY BOY ONE NIGHT FUN. I. HATE. FISH. AND. CO.

Please. If you're my friend you won't make me do this. And we are such good friends, yes we are. Seriously.

Since last year I dread birthdays because it means I'll be one year older. This sounds like something women aged 30 and above say. I really dread when a whole big group is forced to sing you a birthday song even though they don't really know you well, like when in a class or with a group of CCA mates. I don't mean ABT, of course. OKAY I might as well just say I meant NJBT, which other CCA had I been in? ._.

*

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

-

Today, while showering, my 3 year old son comes to the bathroom and puts on all my makeup. Once I got out of the shower, I got a camera I had and took a few adorable shots. Afterward, I sent the images to all my friends and family. Then I realized the reflection on the mirror was me fully naked. FML

Read more at Fmylife.

1030pm. Good night.

9:39:00 PM because I say so

I'm so jealous, Priscilla gets to teach back at Anderson. I want to go back there and teach too (anything will do, MUSIC OR ART also can!) and eat lunch with teachers like MDM WONG or MRS LIM or MR NG. Aha, and get to sit at a table in the STAFF ROOM! Ohmytians. Can I volunteer to do PE relief or something. I still remember how to lead warm-ups. :)

Anyway.

I'm going to blog about Saturday.

Saturday

Hm. Hmmm. Oh. Hmmm. What happened yesterday? -takes three minutes to recall-

Oh.

After logging off yesterday, I took a shower, changed, watched my mother finish her 5th Sudoku, left the house, walked to the bus-stop, watched the bus arrive, boarded the bus, reached Woodlands interchange, went up the escalator, topped up my card (had a little heart-ache), tapped at MRT gentry, went up another escalator, waited 4mins for the train to come, boarded the Marina Bay train, smsed Jaslyn/Naomi to ask if there are any cake shops at Paya Lebar where I can get Yongyuan's birthday cake, got shocked when Yongyuan boarded the train at Yishun, realised I can't get his birthday cake when he's travelling with me, talked to him about uni acceptance letters (HE HAS A FRIEND WHO GOT ACCEPTED INTO FASS ALREADY), talked about his NS enlistment (all three of them, Wilson, Yongkiat and Yongyuan are enlisting on the same day), gossiped about GJiahao and pockets HEH, alighted at City Hall, changed train towards Pasir Ris...

Alright, this is getting really senselessly long. But I said I'll blog about my day.

Then Jenna phoned me to tell me she reached so I told her to get a cake and hide it in her bag for Yongyuan, she sounded spastically happy even over the phone, I could feel her grinning even though we weren't having a video call, then we alighted at Paya Lebar and saw Jenna, called Jaslyn and realised she's still on bus, called Yongkiat and realised he was on the same bus as Jaslyn but blur him alighted at the wrong stop, then we walked around trying to find an air-con place where we can wait, couldn't find an air-con place where we can wait, then Jaslyn reached, and we walked to the bus-stop where she is, to wait for Yongkiat who's taking the next bus that comes from the bus-stop where he alighted wrongly.

Then, when Yongkiat's bus was here, we were supposed to board it because we're taking that bus, but blur Yongkiat alighted, and boarded the bus together with us again, so effectively he took the same bus 3 times. Then we talked more on the bus and I feel sad that they're all enlisting soon, soon ABT outings will be left with me and Jaslyn that's ohsoromantic but I swear I'll turn salty soon. ANYWAY, we reached Tanjong Katong Shopping Center and reached TeoHeng punctually at 2pm, and then we started singing and Yongkiat sings damn well -ohswoons. Then Joan reached and it was pretty cramped in the medium room with 6 of us but I like it cozythisway.

Joan and Jenna hardly sang because Joan says she don't know how to sing all the songs we chose (when they are the super common ones like Cai Hong, or Wo Bu Pei, or Shuo Hao De Xing Fu Ne, or Xing Bu Liao Qing, or Cha Jian Er Guo, or Hui Hu Xi De Tong, or Yan Hai Gong Lu De Chu Kou, or ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING, or Zhi Dui Ni You Gan Jue, or Liang Zhi Lian Ren, or Liang Shan Bo Yu Zhu Li Ye, and many many others. In the end, the only song I can remember Joan singing (and got sound) is Di Yi Tian by Sun Yan Zi. The mic suddenly goes silent when she's holding it, and Jaslyn and I sound like we were carrying invisible mics.

Yongyuan appeared in many songs. Every lovey dovey song sure got Yong Yuan.

We bought baos because we were really hungry and the coffee bao is obviously daosha bao, cheater.

We sang for 5hours straight, till 7, and our last song was Forever Love. This song doesn't have yongyuan because it's translated into English Forever.

Then we left the place and went home without dinnering together because it was Qing Ming yesterday and most of our mothers cooked because we need to bai bai.

I've about 9 pictures taken but I'm, really, lazy, to, upload, anything.

I FINISHED BLOGGING ABOUT SATURDAY!

It was, hen hao wan, and I like Yongkiat sing -swoons.

And, I want to play badminton but it's near impossible to book courts. :(

Ohkay, byebye.

12:10:00 PM because I say so

Yesterday saw me having a hard time deciding which Sudoku book to buy at Popular, J8. Wondered around a long time before getting some 4-books-series Sudoku book that has a total of 400 over puzzles to solve. Sadly, my mother thinks they look better in the box and the plastic so she's deliberating over opening it up or not.

See, I said I should have gotten the KID'S DUMMIES GUIDE TO SUDOKU.

*

I'm leaving home in 40mins time for K session. On days without work, I think I'm hardly doing anything productive. Where has volunteer work, self-enriching lessons gone? D:

That said, I think I deserve a treat every weekend, not that work is strenuous, it's not.

And hold, I haven't gotten any uni acceptance letter yet. It seems almost certain that FASS is the way, which I don't know if I should be happy about. Alright I can't be absolutely certain FASS will take me either. But, my results aren't that bad, are they?

*

Oh, and I want to watch DMC/Handsome Suit. The last movie I watched is what, My Bloody Valentine's. That seems a real long time ago.

Alright, I've another 5mins before I've to rush.

I... want to go somewhere that doesn't look local. I want to go somewhere that doesn't remind me of anywhere.

Ohkay, I've another 2mins before I really really have to rush. I keep sneezing, somebody's guessing I'll be late, for sure.

*

I hope to get the drift of blogging about my days again. I haven't showed you pictures of say, playing wii with gillian and chunying like two weeks ago. Or Bottletree Park and how it looks like at night. Or my JROCK.

Hoh, got to really rush.

Byebye.

11:09:00 AM because I say so

It's funny how every night I watch my sister slip out of the house as quietly as she can so my mother will not be waken up by the noise and call her on her handphone to ask where does she think she's going (she means it both ways, literally and figuratively). And I won't know what to do. Usually I just keep quiet, because I don't want my mother to trouble herself giving 8 missed calls to my sister before finally giving up and lose sleep anyway. And my father will talk incessantly the whole night about how my sister is already out of hand.

And in case you're wondering why she has so much time to get out every night, she just completed poly and in her words, waiting for results when even Spongebob from Neptune knows all third year poly kids know their results already. She doesn't want to continue uni, because in her words cannot get in (she's so sure even though she doesn't know her results yet).

And every morning, when my mother comes into the room to wake me up, she'll realise my sister's not in, and she'll ask me where's she, and I'll say she went out, and she'll ask me when, and I'll say last night around 10pm, and she'll ask me to close the door after I leave the room so my father will think my sister's still sleeping inside so he will not start the she's-getting-worse talk.

And, you've no idea what sort of sarcasm I go through in the house with my two sisters. They each have their own problems with my parents, while I don't. They hate me, and the only reason I can think of is my parents like me, alot. And if I ever quarrel with either of them, and if my parents have to take sides, they'll side me. To my parents, I'm like the nerd to the teacher; my sisters are like the hooligans of the school.

And you've no idea how many times I felt so Helpless I strangle teddy bears. Sometimes the sarcasm is overwhelming. Like when my eldest sis called home at 8.15pm on a Monday night and asked my mum to help her record Campus Superstar, and my mum was already recording Spongebob for me, my sister vent on me when she came home. She reached home at 8.45pm, realised she missed her favourite contestant's singing. Then my second sis said things like your Campus superstar where got as important as Somebody's cartoon, and my eldest sis said oh yah hor. The CARTOON more important lah, of course mah. and I didn't say anything. And my brother who happened to be around on a rare Monday night covered for me and said things like the campus superstars aren't much to watch anyway since they're so lousy and where's the need to create hoo-has over a stupid show that only stupid people watch.

It's stupid, but there are about a thousand other incidents occurring in the house whenever I'm around with either or both of my sisters. They keep trying to put me down, and some days I get so annoyed I say mean things I don't mean. Like I'll point out to my second sis how it's impossible to NOT know her results yet, and how long she intends to stay home and not find work.

I know she deserves a break, but those were the exact same things she said to me two days after my A's ended. Sometimes I wonder if I wanted a job at that time because I wanted to prove a point, I don't know, I probably did.

I find myself counting down to the time my eldest sis gets married so I won't have to put up with her anymore. I just shocked myself being so blatant because I thought I can never confess these thoughts, even to myself.

And, I hate to watch my parents age. I hate to see my father sitting in the living room, lost in his thoughts and staring into space with a frown. I hate to see him getting all worked up, his face flushed when he's angry. He's not young anymore, and like many others his age, he has heart problems, on long-term medication. I hope they will stop giving problems to them, and just stick to being goody two-shoes like I am.

They don't even dream of us doing extremely well, excelling or whatnots. They just want you to pick up your call when they phone you, talk to them nicely and not like they owe it to you, be decent, be honest, be home.

I just think that, at their age, what they should be experiencing now is bliss and happiness instead of worry and grouchiness.

You have no idea.



* Please leave out the comments like Things will get better, Don't worry everything will be alright, Hang on, Jiayou, Treasure what you have nevertheless. I know all that. Those are the cliches I say to others, and it gets doubly irritating when others tell you what you tell others. It's almost mocking, Ah can say cannot do is it?

9:58:00 PM because I say so