We're at this stage in life where we reminisce too much of our near past, worry too much about our near future, are
too clueless about everything that can, will, may happen to us, think we know alot, think we don't know anything,
am confident about the wrong things, take pride in wasting time away, want too much but want to do too little.
Ohwell.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Of This and That
For Valentine's Day this year, I want lozenges, honey liang teh and anything to make the horrible tonsillitis (it's nothing as cute as it sounds!) go away.
Because of T, I can't:
1. Eat proper. Today was the first day since Tuesday I had something that doesn't start with a P and ends with orridge. Still, hotcakes with minimal butter and close to no honey, and I can't even finish that.
2. Swallow anything for that matter without cursing.
3. What am I saying? I can't even curse.
*
Of family, I'm always saying I want to spend more time with my family, which doesn't seem to be happening because I'm working 830am-6pm daily on weekdays, and my weekends are packed with dates with friends. But then again, even if I'm home everyday (like the past four days), the only family member I actually spend more time with is my mother, because my father will be at work and my siblings all have their own stuff to do, work or study. At night they're either sleeping or they aren't home when I go to bed or this or that. I can live with my sister in the same house and not say anything to her for weeks. Oh well.
Sometimes I hear about my siblings complaining about my parents and I wonder why they just can't get along. Sometimes I get annoyed at my parents, and it scares me that I may one day become like my siblings, secretly hating my parents, I don't want to be like that. And it makes me wonder if I got annoyed because of me, because of my parents, or because I'm led to do so by my siblings. It's confusing.
*
Of friends, I think trust is an amazing thing. It's not something that comes by and by as and when you want it. I may be friends with you for 10 years, but it doesn't mean that I've that trust in you. Still, I rather it be that way, that time is used as a measure of trust. Because so often I've thought I could trust someone when I couldn't.
The saddest thing is when he/she doesn't know it. Like, sometimes when I tell you something, it's understood that I don't want you to go round telling everybody. You probably think I won't know, I hope I won't know you went round telling people too. But someday someone will mention it, have you considered what I'll think?
When that does happen, I don't usually pursue it. Like I won't go back to you and ask you why did you tell so-and-so what-and-what, because I didn't say you can't tell so-and-so what-and-what, although it's pretty understood that way. But, I'll still remember it and I'll guard against that person in future. Except that I forget about guarding sometimes. And the same thing repeats, and repeats, and repeats.
You know, some people ask purely because they are curious, or they are concerned, or they want to talk to you, purely. But some people ask so you'll become the topic they can talk about to some other person they call a friend. That's one thing I can't stand, talking behind somebody else's back. I can't say I don't do it entirely. I'm always talking about others to Priscilla, we exchange things we know about people each other haven't seen in a long while. That's rather different, I guess.
Anyway, all I want to say is, I believe there are some people who are worth being best friends forever because they are true and so they're love. Then there are those who are friends only when they need friends, and there are those who you can't really call friends at all.
I feel sorry for myself that I've come to realise that only today. I'm at a stage where I feel like ditching friends, or I should say ditching people I've been calling friends but I don't really feel friendly.
*
Of love and such, I think if you're lucky enough to find someone who knows you really well, AND here's the important bit, understands, AND feels the same as well, if you can ever find someone who's of that similar a frequency as you, who will want to stay home when you want to stay home, who will want to do the same things as you at the same time, who will know what you're thinking because he'll be thinking the same things, I think that's more than anyone can ask for.
Another thing is, don't you think lies are so horrible? They make you believe in things that aren't true, do you know how scary it is to believe in things that are not true, huh? HUH? No? Isn't it scary if I keep saying, I believe in Sandy, I believe in Sandy, I believe in Sandy...
That's beside the point.
*
Reflective post. OMG I CAN SEE MYSELF.
Alright it's so late. I'm totally home alone tomorrow. Plans out are cancelled because tonsillitis are tony-annoying. Mahjong/DVDs/watch me die at my house tomorrow anyone?
10:28:00 PM because I say so
Because of T, I can't:
1. Eat proper. Today was the first day since Tuesday I had something that doesn't start with a P and ends with orridge. Still, hotcakes with minimal butter and close to no honey, and I can't even finish that.
2. Swallow anything for that matter without cursing.
3. What am I saying? I can't even curse.
*
Of family, I'm always saying I want to spend more time with my family, which doesn't seem to be happening because I'm working 830am-6pm daily on weekdays, and my weekends are packed with dates with friends. But then again, even if I'm home everyday (like the past four days), the only family member I actually spend more time with is my mother, because my father will be at work and my siblings all have their own stuff to do, work or study. At night they're either sleeping or they aren't home when I go to bed or this or that. I can live with my sister in the same house and not say anything to her for weeks. Oh well.
Sometimes I hear about my siblings complaining about my parents and I wonder why they just can't get along. Sometimes I get annoyed at my parents, and it scares me that I may one day become like my siblings, secretly hating my parents, I don't want to be like that. And it makes me wonder if I got annoyed because of me, because of my parents, or because I'm led to do so by my siblings. It's confusing.
*
Of friends, I think trust is an amazing thing. It's not something that comes by and by as and when you want it. I may be friends with you for 10 years, but it doesn't mean that I've that trust in you. Still, I rather it be that way, that time is used as a measure of trust. Because so often I've thought I could trust someone when I couldn't.
The saddest thing is when he/she doesn't know it. Like, sometimes when I tell you something, it's understood that I don't want you to go round telling everybody. You probably think I won't know, I hope I won't know you went round telling people too. But someday someone will mention it, have you considered what I'll think?
When that does happen, I don't usually pursue it. Like I won't go back to you and ask you why did you tell so-and-so what-and-what, because I didn't say you can't tell so-and-so what-and-what, although it's pretty understood that way. But, I'll still remember it and I'll guard against that person in future. Except that I forget about guarding sometimes. And the same thing repeats, and repeats, and repeats.
You know, some people ask purely because they are curious, or they are concerned, or they want to talk to you, purely. But some people ask so you'll become the topic they can talk about to some other person they call a friend. That's one thing I can't stand, talking behind somebody else's back. I can't say I don't do it entirely. I'm always talking about others to Priscilla, we exchange things we know about people each other haven't seen in a long while. That's rather different, I guess.
Anyway, all I want to say is, I believe there are some people who are worth being best friends forever because they are true and so they're love. Then there are those who are friends only when they need friends, and there are those who you can't really call friends at all.
I feel sorry for myself that I've come to realise that only today. I'm at a stage where I feel like ditching friends, or I should say ditching people I've been calling friends but I don't really feel friendly.
*
Of love and such, I think if you're lucky enough to find someone who knows you really well, AND here's the important bit, understands, AND feels the same as well, if you can ever find someone who's of that similar a frequency as you, who will want to stay home when you want to stay home, who will want to do the same things as you at the same time, who will know what you're thinking because he'll be thinking the same things, I think that's more than anyone can ask for.
Another thing is, don't you think lies are so horrible? They make you believe in things that aren't true, do you know how scary it is to believe in things that are not true, huh? HUH? No? Isn't it scary if I keep saying, I believe in Sandy, I believe in Sandy, I believe in Sandy...
That's beside the point.
*
Reflective post. OMG I CAN SEE MYSELF.
Alright it's so late. I'm totally home alone tomorrow. Plans out are cancelled because tonsillitis are tony-annoying. Mahjong/DVDs/watch me die at my house tomorrow anyone?
10:28:00 PM because I say so