We're at this stage in life where we reminisce too much of our near past, worry too much about our near future, are
too clueless about everything that can, will, may happen to us, think we know alot, think we don't know anything,
am confident about the wrong things, take pride in wasting time away, want too much but want to do too little.
Ohwell.
Monday, February 23, 2009
A Long Unintended Entry
Some photos tell stories.
I want to go round Singapore (because that's the furthest I can go) and take pictures that tell stories. I like telling stories, but I hate words.
I'm in the worst state I can be, lousy mood, lousy throat, lousy appetite, it's a lousy Monday. I lost my voice AGAIN. It's annoying, but comforting to know I don't have to talk when I don't want to, just because I lost my voice.
I think I'm such a hater. I hate alot of things. I hate hating things. I hate it that I'm a hater, but I still hate things anyway. Like I hate it that when I tell you something, you've to go all personal and take it upon yourself, and tell me what you think/what you experienced even when I didn't ask for it. HUH AARON HUH. Oh, I forgot he won't see this. He's in camp. Aw, be a happy botak!
I can't be bothered with some people because I think they just aren't worth the effort. I probably take friends too seriously, but my dad told me the other day it's not worth making a whole legion of friends when at the end of the day you don't know who is it you can trust. I thought he was pretty random, until my mum told me it's over some money matters between him and his uncle-gang of 150 members. Ha.
I didn't quite say anything to answer my dad because he wasn't really looking for a reply from me. He was just making a comment. But then he went on telling me he thinks I'll become like him, with too many people flooding his life until he can't tell if he's living for himself or is he there to be taken for granted for. I didn't know what to say so I just sat there staring at him. And stare, and stare. Then he laughed and walked away. ._.
I think my dad is a nice guy. He's the type that knows what to say to strangers, and can make friends with stallholders in markets and they'll like him enough to charge him really cheap. And I believe he has some really true friends too, those that I see and actually know who they are. He's a great friend who lives in Yishun and my parents call him Gao Ni, and he's a super nice uncle who's good with all sorts of things like fixing the door, or the lights, or a hole in the wall. So he's always a phone call away, and I'll always see him when our door knob drops out, or the lights dropped when my mum was trying to fix it back after washing.
I always hear my dad talking on phone with his friends, and although I never really know which friend he is talking to this time, I know those friends on the line with him are that few that I see often.
Why did I start talking about this?
You must be wondering why I'm always on the topic of friends and trust these days. I wish I can tell you, but I guess I can't. I don't know, maybe I'm too afraid of offending people, maybe I'm too afraid of the consequences.
But if I don't make an effort to keep up with you, or seem to have forgotten you exist, it probably means I don't want that legion of friends my dad talked about, that I don't think you're worth being a friend. OR, it may mean I'm busy.
I know how people talked about a larger social circle etc and how it's going to help you in your working adult life etc, but I don't know, I think I'll be a good kid and listen to my dad. I think he's unhappy being like that, and just as coincidentally, I'm unhappy being like that as well. I really don't like how sharing (not food, as in thoughts? And stuff) becomes a duty instead of a voluntary thing. Like the if you don't tell me your secret, we aren't friends kind of thing. Like what, fuck off lah.
It's true you talk about different things to different friends. I never denied that. Like it'll be weird if I discuss my latest crush with Priscilla. It's just weird. Just as it's weird if I ask Hanhui out for a picnic. I'll probably do a picnic with Ann, discuss my latest crush with Hanhui and talk about our futures with Priscilla. It just works that way, I don't know why.
Another thing is, the reason why I don't trust you may not necessarily be because I know you've said things you shouldn't about me. It may be because you've said things you shouldn't about OTHERS to me, and still act all chummy and nice to him/her upfront. I find that really sickening. They won't know what things you've said behind their backs, but I do. Can you at least be consistent in front of me?
Hence you can't blame me for thinking while you're chummy and nice to me upfront, you may be saying all the things you shouldn't behind. It's sickening to think I'm so petty, but I just am, and I can't help it that I draw such obvious conclusions.
I'm not really talking about a single person. If I think hard enough, which I try not to, I've met quite several people like that. What's not that bad is I aren't really close to them now. I've probably only seen one of them in the last 3 months.
I don't know what else to say. I guess if you think I'm talking about you, that means something already. But I think I still have a legion of great friends leh. ._. Ogay nevermind.
Long unintended entry!
8:49:00 PM because I say so
I want to go round Singapore (because that's the furthest I can go) and take pictures that tell stories. I like telling stories, but I hate words.
I'm in the worst state I can be, lousy mood, lousy throat, lousy appetite, it's a lousy Monday. I lost my voice AGAIN. It's annoying, but comforting to know I don't have to talk when I don't want to, just because I lost my voice.
I think I'm such a hater. I hate alot of things. I hate hating things. I hate it that I'm a hater, but I still hate things anyway. Like I hate it that when I tell you something, you've to go all personal and take it upon yourself, and tell me what you think/what you experienced even when I didn't ask for it. HUH AARON HUH. Oh, I forgot he won't see this. He's in camp. Aw, be a happy botak!
I can't be bothered with some people because I think they just aren't worth the effort. I probably take friends too seriously, but my dad told me the other day it's not worth making a whole legion of friends when at the end of the day you don't know who is it you can trust. I thought he was pretty random, until my mum told me it's over some money matters between him and his uncle-gang of 150 members. Ha.
I didn't quite say anything to answer my dad because he wasn't really looking for a reply from me. He was just making a comment. But then he went on telling me he thinks I'll become like him, with too many people flooding his life until he can't tell if he's living for himself or is he there to be taken for granted for. I didn't know what to say so I just sat there staring at him. And stare, and stare. Then he laughed and walked away. ._.
I think my dad is a nice guy. He's the type that knows what to say to strangers, and can make friends with stallholders in markets and they'll like him enough to charge him really cheap. And I believe he has some really true friends too, those that I see and actually know who they are. He's a great friend who lives in Yishun and my parents call him Gao Ni, and he's a super nice uncle who's good with all sorts of things like fixing the door, or the lights, or a hole in the wall. So he's always a phone call away, and I'll always see him when our door knob drops out, or the lights dropped when my mum was trying to fix it back after washing.
I always hear my dad talking on phone with his friends, and although I never really know which friend he is talking to this time, I know those friends on the line with him are that few that I see often.
Why did I start talking about this?
You must be wondering why I'm always on the topic of friends and trust these days. I wish I can tell you, but I guess I can't. I don't know, maybe I'm too afraid of offending people, maybe I'm too afraid of the consequences.
But if I don't make an effort to keep up with you, or seem to have forgotten you exist, it probably means I don't want that legion of friends my dad talked about, that I don't think you're worth being a friend. OR, it may mean I'm busy.
I know how people talked about a larger social circle etc and how it's going to help you in your working adult life etc, but I don't know, I think I'll be a good kid and listen to my dad. I think he's unhappy being like that, and just as coincidentally, I'm unhappy being like that as well. I really don't like how sharing (not food, as in thoughts? And stuff) becomes a duty instead of a voluntary thing. Like the if you don't tell me your secret, we aren't friends kind of thing. Like what, fuck off lah.
It's true you talk about different things to different friends. I never denied that. Like it'll be weird if I discuss my latest crush with Priscilla. It's just weird. Just as it's weird if I ask Hanhui out for a picnic. I'll probably do a picnic with Ann, discuss my latest crush with Hanhui and talk about our futures with Priscilla. It just works that way, I don't know why.
Another thing is, the reason why I don't trust you may not necessarily be because I know you've said things you shouldn't about me. It may be because you've said things you shouldn't about OTHERS to me, and still act all chummy and nice to him/her upfront. I find that really sickening. They won't know what things you've said behind their backs, but I do. Can you at least be consistent in front of me?
Hence you can't blame me for thinking while you're chummy and nice to me upfront, you may be saying all the things you shouldn't behind. It's sickening to think I'm so petty, but I just am, and I can't help it that I draw such obvious conclusions.
I'm not really talking about a single person. If I think hard enough, which I try not to, I've met quite several people like that. What's not that bad is I aren't really close to them now. I've probably only seen one of them in the last 3 months.
I don't know what else to say. I guess if you think I'm talking about you, that means something already. But I think I still have a legion of great friends leh. ._. Ogay nevermind.
Long unintended entry!
8:49:00 PM because I say so