We're at this stage in life where we reminisce too much of our near past, worry too much about our near future, are
too clueless about everything that can, will, may happen to us, think we know alot, think we don't know anything,
am confident about the wrong things, take pride in wasting time away, want too much but want to do too little.
Ohwell.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
MRT People
Having joined the Singapore workforce since about a month ago (gasp! It's been a month?!), I've to take the AM-ARE-TEE everyday to and fro Woodlands and Dhoby. The MRT early in the morning is a really interesting place because you see ALL sorts of people, since there are SO many people for you to see.
And I did a list.
TOP 7 PEOPLE YOU SURE SEE
1. Mr Zombie
How to spot him: He always read the newspaper on the train, no matter how packed, no matter how no-space-to-open-up-the-barney-newspaper it is. He has to read it without fail.
He's Mr Zombie because there's only the newspaper and him in his world. He can see nothing, absolutely NOTHING else. If there's a huge space next to him where he can shift so that people squeezing at the door won't see juice coming out of themselves, he won't budge because duh, the space isn't printed on the newspaper. He can't see it, can't feel it, and will do NOTHING to react to it.
Further proof that he really feels nothing? I met him once. Due to the overwhelming pushing, I accidentally elbowed into him (ouch!). Even my elbow hurt, I don't believe my elbow went through him. I apologised immediately. But guess what! MR ZOMBIE DIDN'T EVEN TWITCH! :O :O
2. Mr Rider
How to spot him: It's a package thing. Where there's Mr Zombie, there's Mr Rider. The key to everything is the holy newspaper (rhymes!).
Mr Rider always look SO interested in the newspaper --- that he doesn't have! ._. Sometimes looking at how he looks over Mr Zombie's shoulders and reading the news with so much enthusiasm, I really think I'm watching a Today advert. Serious, it gets me interested you know. I want to know what's so interesting he has to read it so badly.
So I become Miss Rider 2, to read what other riders are so interested to read. And the process repeats until there's one Mr Zombie and several riders. Not that Mr Zombie minds, he can't feel anything anyway.
3. Miss Bo Balance
How to spot her: She will jerk when the train is slowing down, will jerk when the train is accelerating, will jerk badly when the train jerks, aiyah, she just jerks at every possible moment that you think she should jerk.
I don't get it. If you know you jerk so much, won't you wear something less dangerous like flats, instead of 2inch heels and when you jerk you bring along many many hearts which jerk along because they're so scared you'll fall? Ohkay, if you say it's because you work at somewhere where you MUST wear heels that high (is there such a place?), then won't it make sense to hold onto the bar that's about 2cm away from you, instead of crossing your arms and jerking and jerking and jerking and jerking and jerking and jerking?
I don't get adults you know.
4. Miss Soduku
How to spot her: Duh, Soduku.
This one is ultimate. Ultimate cannot win her kind of ultimate. She's super qiang. Regardless of how cramped a position she may be in, Soduku-ing never stops. She may be sitting down, she may be standing by the door, she may be in the middle of many zombies and riders, but soduku-ing never stops.
When the train passes Ang Mo Kio and alot alot alot alot (like really alot) of people board the train, she may be squashed into some awkward position where her left hand (Soduku) and her right hand (pencil) are apart from each other and you may think, oh Soduku stops huh. NO. Her eyes are fixated on the Soduku book, never at once leaving sight of it. And then when the train pulls into Toa Payoh, where a bulk alight, you see her busily scribbling down the numbers she spotted she could fit in just now. Oh my tian.
5. Mr Mud
How to spot him: Tapered pants, ridiculously high Billabong cap, loud music coming from you-call-that-earphones?
Once in awhile you'll see him, especially in the mornings when he's going to school. Does ITE allow tapered pants? Anyway, you can always hear Simple Plan's Your Love is But a Lie echoing through the cabin when he's around. I can't decide if he's spoiling his ears or are his ears already spoilt to the extent he has to play it that loud just to hear it. It's SO early in the morning, why will you want to hear Simple Plan screaming into your ears?
But compared to people like Mr Zombie or Miss Bo Balance, I'll rather have more Mr Muds around because they will move in when there's space. I'll hate to stand near them though because I can't skip a track if I don't like their music. :)
6. Miss I-Must-Get-That-Seat
How to spot her: Her eyes drift to the seats when she first board the train. Her eyes drift around the seats whenever the train arrives at a station. Her eyes WIDEN when someone stands up to alight. Like, really, really WIDEN.
You'll see how she pushes with all her might (if she has that much strength, why can't she stand?) from the door to the going-to-be-available-seat when she sees someone pick up her handbag and looks like she's going to stand up and get ready to alight. You'll see how she just MUST get the seat at all costs, like it's really killing her to stand another 2.3 seconds.
And you'll see how, she pushes her way out at the next stop. Holy Barney! All that just for that one stop, like that also shuang ah?
7. Miss Tsk
How to spot her: Push me? Tsk. Crowded train? Tsk. Windy? Tsk. Door reopen? Tsk. Carbon dioxide? Tsk. No handbars to hold onto? Tsk. Floor? Tsk. Ceiling? Tsk. MRT? Tsk.
She's the worst. I CAN'T STAND HER TOTALLY. Man, she's really annoying. She just love tsk-ing at every, single thing! Like what's her problem man. It's not our fault that the train is crowded, lady. If you can't stand a crowded train that badly, then get a cab! But I guess the cab driver will probably throw you off the road because you'll probably tsk at nonsensical stuff too. So, get a car lah aunty!
And everybody wants to get to work on time, so you can't blame those people who are trying to squeeze into the train although there's not much space for them to do so. So why tsk them? Oh, I mean, WHY YOU TSK US?! Do you know, a tsk is not loud enough for those people at the door to hear? Only us poor souls who're stuck near you tsk woman who can hear you tsk your way from Sembawang to Dhoby Ghaut?! So why you tsk us when we are NOT the ones who're trying to squeeze into the train and in any case, why are you tsk-ing at all?!
AND. If someone accidentally bump into you because the ride is bumpy and it's so crowded, and what's more, he apologised right after that, you can't tsk him either! How will you feel if someone reply your apology with a tsk? Not very nice right, Miss Tsk?
I was SO annoyed I had an urge to tsk her back.
-imaginary scenario-
Me: (taps shoulder)
Miss Tsk: (looks over shoulder)
Me: TSK.
Ohmytian, I feel so great just thinking about it. I should have done that dammit.
The worst of the worst is when Miss Tsk combines with Miss I-Must-Get-That-Seat. Ohmyguanyingma, she should be shot really. She should be thrown off the MRT tracks. They should blacklist these people and not let them board the train. :O
Eh, cannot. I'm abit Miss Bo Balance.
._.
9:41:00 PM because I say so
And I did a list.
TOP 7 PEOPLE YOU SURE SEE
1. Mr Zombie
How to spot him: He always read the newspaper on the train, no matter how packed, no matter how no-space-to-open-up-the-barney-newspaper it is. He has to read it without fail.
He's Mr Zombie because there's only the newspaper and him in his world. He can see nothing, absolutely NOTHING else. If there's a huge space next to him where he can shift so that people squeezing at the door won't see juice coming out of themselves, he won't budge because duh, the space isn't printed on the newspaper. He can't see it, can't feel it, and will do NOTHING to react to it.
Further proof that he really feels nothing? I met him once. Due to the overwhelming pushing, I accidentally elbowed into him (ouch!). Even my elbow hurt, I don't believe my elbow went through him. I apologised immediately. But guess what! MR ZOMBIE DIDN'T EVEN TWITCH! :O :O
2. Mr Rider
How to spot him: It's a package thing. Where there's Mr Zombie, there's Mr Rider. The key to everything is the holy newspaper (rhymes!).
Mr Rider always look SO interested in the newspaper --- that he doesn't have! ._. Sometimes looking at how he looks over Mr Zombie's shoulders and reading the news with so much enthusiasm, I really think I'm watching a Today advert. Serious, it gets me interested you know. I want to know what's so interesting he has to read it so badly.
So I become Miss Rider 2, to read what other riders are so interested to read. And the process repeats until there's one Mr Zombie and several riders. Not that Mr Zombie minds, he can't feel anything anyway.
3. Miss Bo Balance
How to spot her: She will jerk when the train is slowing down, will jerk when the train is accelerating, will jerk badly when the train jerks, aiyah, she just jerks at every possible moment that you think she should jerk.
I don't get it. If you know you jerk so much, won't you wear something less dangerous like flats, instead of 2inch heels and when you jerk you bring along many many hearts which jerk along because they're so scared you'll fall? Ohkay, if you say it's because you work at somewhere where you MUST wear heels that high (is there such a place?), then won't it make sense to hold onto the bar that's about 2cm away from you, instead of crossing your arms and jerking and jerking and jerking and jerking and jerking and jerking?
I don't get adults you know.
4. Miss Soduku
How to spot her: Duh, Soduku.
This one is ultimate. Ultimate cannot win her kind of ultimate. She's super qiang. Regardless of how cramped a position she may be in, Soduku-ing never stops. She may be sitting down, she may be standing by the door, she may be in the middle of many zombies and riders, but soduku-ing never stops.
When the train passes Ang Mo Kio and alot alot alot alot (like really alot) of people board the train, she may be squashed into some awkward position where her left hand (Soduku) and her right hand (pencil) are apart from each other and you may think, oh Soduku stops huh. NO. Her eyes are fixated on the Soduku book, never at once leaving sight of it. And then when the train pulls into Toa Payoh, where a bulk alight, you see her busily scribbling down the numbers she spotted she could fit in just now. Oh my tian.
5. Mr Mud
How to spot him: Tapered pants, ridiculously high Billabong cap, loud music coming from you-call-that-earphones?
Once in awhile you'll see him, especially in the mornings when he's going to school. Does ITE allow tapered pants? Anyway, you can always hear Simple Plan's Your Love is But a Lie echoing through the cabin when he's around. I can't decide if he's spoiling his ears or are his ears already spoilt to the extent he has to play it that loud just to hear it. It's SO early in the morning, why will you want to hear Simple Plan screaming into your ears?
But compared to people like Mr Zombie or Miss Bo Balance, I'll rather have more Mr Muds around because they will move in when there's space. I'll hate to stand near them though because I can't skip a track if I don't like their music. :)
6. Miss I-Must-Get-That-Seat
How to spot her: Her eyes drift to the seats when she first board the train. Her eyes drift around the seats whenever the train arrives at a station. Her eyes WIDEN when someone stands up to alight. Like, really, really WIDEN.
You'll see how she pushes with all her might (if she has that much strength, why can't she stand?) from the door to the going-to-be-available-seat when she sees someone pick up her handbag and looks like she's going to stand up and get ready to alight. You'll see how she just MUST get the seat at all costs, like it's really killing her to stand another 2.3 seconds.
And you'll see how, she pushes her way out at the next stop. Holy Barney! All that just for that one stop, like that also shuang ah?
7. Miss Tsk
How to spot her: Push me? Tsk. Crowded train? Tsk. Windy? Tsk. Door reopen? Tsk. Carbon dioxide? Tsk. No handbars to hold onto? Tsk. Floor? Tsk. Ceiling? Tsk. MRT? Tsk.
She's the worst. I CAN'T STAND HER TOTALLY. Man, she's really annoying. She just love tsk-ing at every, single thing! Like what's her problem man. It's not our fault that the train is crowded, lady. If you can't stand a crowded train that badly, then get a cab! But I guess the cab driver will probably throw you off the road because you'll probably tsk at nonsensical stuff too. So, get a car lah aunty!
And everybody wants to get to work on time, so you can't blame those people who are trying to squeeze into the train although there's not much space for them to do so. So why tsk them? Oh, I mean, WHY YOU TSK US?! Do you know, a tsk is not loud enough for those people at the door to hear? Only us poor souls who're stuck near you tsk woman who can hear you tsk your way from Sembawang to Dhoby Ghaut?! So why you tsk us when we are NOT the ones who're trying to squeeze into the train and in any case, why are you tsk-ing at all?!
AND. If someone accidentally bump into you because the ride is bumpy and it's so crowded, and what's more, he apologised right after that, you can't tsk him either! How will you feel if someone reply your apology with a tsk? Not very nice right, Miss Tsk?
I was SO annoyed I had an urge to tsk her back.
-imaginary scenario-
Me: (taps shoulder)
Miss Tsk: (looks over shoulder)
Me: TSK.
Ohmytian, I feel so great just thinking about it. I should have done that dammit.
The worst of the worst is when Miss Tsk combines with Miss I-Must-Get-That-Seat. Ohmyguanyingma, she should be shot really. She should be thrown off the MRT tracks. They should blacklist these people and not let them board the train. :O
Eh, cannot. I'm abit Miss Bo Balance.
._.
9:41:00 PM because I say so