Caught The Midnight Meat Train two days ago with SMH and on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the best, I rate this movie 11.

It's so good, it brought me emotions I hardly go through.

1. It made me feel stupid. I never felt as stupid as two days ago, where I spend (luckily SMH had Lido vouchers) $4 on a really mega stupid movie. After the show I couldn't do 2 + 1 = ? because I turned stupid. /OMG

2. Stupider. It didn't help that there were a group of Thai girls sitting behind us who had 78 different sound effects to different kinds of scenes in the movie. AND they kept kicking our seats. I think they're scarier than the movie.

3. Stupid. Maybe I should tell you the storyline.

Considering how good the movie is, I doubt I'll spoil the movie even if I tell you what it's about. You'll still be astonished at how stupid it can get, no matter how many times you watch it.

The movie starts with this guy, Leon, who's a budding photographer, desperate to make his photographs famous. So he met this famous woman who told him his shots aren't brave enough.

Hence he starts risking his life to take exciting photos. Like when he saved a girl from a group of thugs etc etc.

And then the next day he finds out that the girl he saved the night before has gone missing. So he looked through his photographs and found that the girl entered this midnight train. And then there's a shot where it showed a ring on a man's finger.

Very coincidentally, the next day, Leon saw a guy with the same stupid ring. So being brave and courageous, he stalked that guy, and got found out, and yada then nothing happened. But determined Leon decides to stalk the guy further, and found out that he's a butcher who spends his days butchering meat. Yea, what the barney.

Then Leon got obsessed with stalking Butcher and went to research on Butcher and Midnight Train and found out that 100 years ago there's a case of Butcher butchering people on midnight trains yada. So he told his girlfriend, and his girlfriend thinks that he's crazy because Butcher can't live forever. ._.

Meanwhile, all these times, Butcher had really been butchering people on midnight trains every night. And then one day, Butcher met black guy who's strong and steady, so he fought back. Butcher almost got butchered. The person driving the midnight train heard all the noise and came to the cabins with a gun.

Then the train master, looking a bit shocked, fired at the black guy and said something like, "Butcher, I'm so disappointed in you. Clean up the mess."

YES. WHAT THE BARNEY RIGHT.

So apparently everyone is in cahoots with Butcher and help him butcher people.

Then one day Leon got onto the midnight train and watched Butcher butcher people. He freaked out and Butcher saw him and gave him a nice smile. So Butcher chased Leon, caught Leon, butcher him a bit. But surprisingly didn't kill Leon!

That's the stupid part because I don't get why Leon didn't die! ._.

And then Leon wakes with scars on his body and a cracked head. He went back home to tell his girlfriend what he saw. And that he lost his camera. And yada. So girlfriend and another random guy friend decided to help him by going to Butcher's house to find his camera.

And then at Butcher's house, girlfriend and random guy friend found that Butcher has zero groceries at home, which meant that he didn't have to eat, and that all that he has at home, in the drawers, are weapons meant for butchering. Like saws and blah blah blah.

And then when girlfriend was inspecting Butcher's toilet, Butcher came home and butchered random guy friend. Then girlfriend went to the living room and saw Butcher's briefcase. Then she miraculously took out an organiser without even ransacking the briefcase. So she looked through the organisers and saw train traveling records that date back to 100 years ago.

Then girlfriend heard some noise and decided to run.

And this part is stupid again because I don't get how girlfriend can escape when the butcher should be butchery enough to not let her escape. Okay whatever.

So girlfriend went to the police and Policewoman told her that the police checked the address she gave them and found nothing suspicious. And that the tenant wants the family heirloom (the stupid organiser) back.

Girlfriend refused and ran away.

Meanwhile, Leon turned a bit butchery. Actually I don't know. He just went to the Butcher's workplace and got some Butcher suit and then he went to the train station. Meanwhile meanwhile, girlfriend got onto the midnight train. Then Leon was at some dark dark subway and when he saw his girlfriend was on the train, he went NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ._. and jumped onto the train (like that's possible).

Then came the showdown between Butcher and Leon. All the while among many bodies, hung upside down on each side of the train. Anyway, the crux is that Leon won, and Butcher dropped out of the train.

And then the train stopped at some dark deserted place, and the train master came out and said, "Please step away from the bodies." So Leon and girlfriend ran off the train, finding themselves among heaps of skeletons. And then some REALLY UGLY black monsters got on the train and feed on the upside down bodies.

Just then, Butcher appeared again (WTF?!) and then Leon and Butcher had Final Showdown again. Then they fight fight fight, and Leon won again, stabbing a sharp bone through Butcher's neck. And Butcher, supposedly dead, looked at Leon, and said Welcome. (That's the only line Butcher said throughout the show.)

Then the train master got off the train and explained that those monsters are a preserved species that the country wants to protect. In other words, everyone is in this conspiracy to feed those monsters with human flesh. Yes, including Policewoman. Then train master held Leon up by the throat, plucked out his tongue ._. and ate it. YES, WHAT THE BARNEY?! And Leon, with his bleeding mouth, watched train master kill girlfriend.

Then train master brought girlfriend's still-beating heart to Leon and said something like Be the next Butcher. Okay no, I forgot what he said, but that's what he meant.

So I presume Leon ate girlfriend's heart and became the next Butcher.

._.

Then you know how the show ended lah. Backview of Butcher walking here walking there. Then Policewoman handed him the organiser (to tell us everyone is in cahoots), then he walked around in briefcase. Then got into midnight train. Then he turned around and the face is Leon's. YAH LAH. Like that lor.

Did you just finish reading all that.

Omb stupid movie.

Watch it for laughs. HA HA HA.

10:01:00 AM because I say so