The last 3 days were the once a year NJ badminton June camp. It was, I can't really find an adjective to describe it. It's more like a chalet than a camp, because more than three quarters of the time it was Free and Easy and one third of the meals we went out of the school to have them. So, I was one of the organisers and I don't really know why more than half the things we planned didn't happen. Maybe those ideas were too far-fetched, maybe none of us felt like carrying them out, maybe the attendance was disappointing, maybe this, maybe that.

So in the end, I didn't quite enjoy myself. I was probably the most emo person at the camp. But still, it's probably the last time I get to stay over in the college, and the first time for many other things.

Oh, I saw Saturn over Astro's telescope. It was mega cool and that made me really really happy for like two hours or so. It looked just like how it's supposed to look, in the textbooks we saw in Primary 3, with a ring around it. And it's like, the REAL Saturn, the only one in the universe. It's barney Kewl. And the stars were mega pretty too. I'm so envious of Priscilla (AJ). Maybe I should have joined Astro last year. Maybe I should join Astro now.

And, I hid at the Art Block during night trail to scare people. That was another fun one and a half hours because I scared everybody, except Sharon and Soonkiat. I scared myself too. Meh.

So, pictures of camp first.



This is Limiang being her spastic self. She is my best friend who'll run when we were walking along the dark corridor outside TA block. And who's high when I'm emo. SOME FRIEND. Lawl.



This is Cindy and Sharon. If you remember the June camp post last year, Cindy is the one who likes to take photos with pails. Yea, she's one year my senior and she joined us for the first night. She brought a Bollywood movie that Shah Rukh Khan acted in for us to watch on the first night (it was supposed to be inspiring). I didn't watch it though. D:



In the foreground, it's Marian, Muihiang and Qiaowei. The one in the middle is one year senior too. She joined the whole camp to make herself feel young again. She likes milk too. Actually she's secretly a cow herself. Moo. In the background, it's Ryan and Woody. I wonder who Woody is looking at. :O





This is Honghu's arm. He made it using uh, wires. I think it looks like the thing you use to beat eggs (what's it called?) from afar.



Other than us, there's a whole lot of primary school kids attending a camp organised by our school students.



Apparently it's a Superheroes camp. We found the program booklet in the canteen.



So here are the Superheroes groups. I think Harry Potter looks like he's trying to dance. Buttercup looks weird and they're so biased not to include Blossom and Bubbles too. And then guess what!



Spongebob is a Superhero as well! ._. Uh huh...

On day 2, I was pretty tired but I couldn't get to sleep because of one too many reasons. So I started making friends again.



Here's Fanny. Fanny sings a melodious hum whenever somebody touches Mr Switch. She always watches over me (LOL) while I sleep, or try to sleep.



Fanny over me, Limiang on my left, and STSK on my right.



Here's Mr NAKSPAT. He's shy so he's hiding behind the trees. Mr NAKSPAT is worth half a million dollars. Try kidnapping him.

And finally, my best friend who kept me company for one and a half hours!



Here's Anthony. Every time I walk away he tries to hide so I can find him. Don't tell me there are a lot of his kind that looks like him. They don't. They all look different if you bother to look closely. There's also Antonio, Anthony's cousin, but I didn't take a picture of Antonio because I think his name sounds funny. HA.

Here are Limiang's spastic pictures taken at her consent. Please do not view if you've a weak heart and will die laughing (like me HA).







Sometimes I look at her and wonder to myself what will happen if I hadn't join badminton, if I hadn't known her, if I hadn't attended this badminton camp, if I hadn't taken these two pictures, will I still be laughing so hard now.

(I don't know why a funny phrase turns out sounding to sad. Must be the choice of words. Meh.)

That's all for the pictures because emo people don't usually take many happy pictures.

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Somehow, I think I'm wasting my time in NJ. It dawned on me suddenly yesterday that I hadn't done anything, and still not doing anything really important in NJ. Times when I slack and not mug, I think Why aren't I studying, and when I do study, I think Why am I studying for, and when I come up with some reason to convince myself there's a point in studying (in the short run it's mainly the $400+ dollars my father already paid for A's), I start to think whether that's all, whether that's all there is to it.

Half the time in NJ I don't know what I'm doing. It's like, you set the Auto mode and the body does what it's supposed to do, without thinking.

I think it's because my JC life is very unfulfillable.

Probably it's the CCA. I don't like everybody in the CCA, maybe that's why. Maybe there's too much talking behind the backs I hear, or maybe it's because the people whom I thought were good weren't, or the people I trusted aren't trustworthy, or that I just know, I know too many things I shouldn't. Maybe if you had been a little more tactful, a little more cautious, a little more sensitive, I wouldn't have realised anything. And so maybe I'll have been happier.

Don't bother guessing, you won't get it. You won't even know what it is to get. Don't ask too, I'm unsure myself.

Which is why, I think JC life is full of uncertainties and I hate uncertainties because that's the first topic in Physics and I still suck at it even though that's the first topic I revise every major Physics test.

To say the grass is always greener on the other side is stupid because NJ has synthetic field and synthetic field has very very green grass. Literally. ._. But that doesn't mean the thought of me being elsewhere hadn't crossed my mind before. Or is everywhere the same. If I'm somewhere else now, will I be thinking I may be happier in NJ.

Or is today (and yesterday) one (or two) of those emo days when you start thinking of the future where you've to search in the dark for the light switch. And when you finally felt it, you on the light to find yourself in the room you least wanted to be in.

Or maybe, I should just make the best of what I've now. It's not like there's much time left before I graduate (hopefully).

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Mind's in a mess. I don't know what I'm thinking, let alone feeling. I can't tell the difference between dishearten and denial. And the line that draws the boundary between impulse and interest is very very very thin.

That meant, I don't know if anything I feel can really last.

Actually, can anything anyone feel actually last?

When you stop feeling happy, where does the happiness go? Into the air? Like ideas do?

Ohmy, I better not start.

Got to get some sleep.

Byebye.

3:27:00 PM because I say so