We're at this stage in life where we reminisce too much of our near past, worry too much about our near future, are
too clueless about everything that can, will, may happen to us, think we know alot, think we don't know anything,
am confident about the wrong things, take pride in wasting time away, want too much but want to do too little.
Ohwell.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Who's controlling you
The other night I couldn't sleep because my mind was filled with crazy thoughts about ourselves not being in control of our own thoughts. Has that ever crossed your mind?
It started because I was thinking about the James Bulger thing we had to present for GP lesson (some 4 year old little boy got tortured and killed brutally, in the hands of a twelve and a thirteen year old). And one of the arguments is that the two teenage boys came from broken families, one of them had his father beating the mother up, and the brothers beating each other as a mark of authority. The whole story is pretty upsetting, especially the details of how they tortured James and yada yada.
Anyway, so the argument is that the family backgrounds of the boys caused their violence tendencies, and so in a way, they're victims of themselves since they did not know what they did was wrong. So I started thinking, if the environment can influence our thoughts and therefore our behaviour, isn't it scary to think everything we think and therefore everything we do now aren't actually what we are thinking and doing, but a result of everything that happened to us in the past? That in a way, whatever we think is a result of something we had not caused? And that therefore in a way, we aren't controlling our own thoughts?
And then I went on to think about the real power of our minds. And all those instances when something I was thinking about really happened, like those times when I imagined you-know-who appearing along the corridor and catching my barney red shoes and she really appeared. And that time when I was looking out of the window and imagining myself falling over and screaming, and then my mother came running out of the kitchen asking what happened. I didn't actually scream, I just imagined it. And no, I didn't scream without myself realising because my brother was at home and he heard zeroth noise.
Then I shudder to think some of these thoughts just come. You know, you don't really choose what you want to think. You can't. Even those times when you say, think of the good things, look on the bright side, you can't do so without thinking what are the bad stuff not to think about first. You can't not think of something without thinking about it first, get it?
And if we were all born humans alike, why is it that everyone's characters differ? Are we really born like that? Or did the environment make us what we are today? If two people do the exact same thing, see the exact same things, hear the exact same words, go through the exact same scenarios, at every exact same moment for their whole lives up till now, will they end up exactly like each other?
Can anyone be born purely evil?
Can you control what you're thinking? Are you sure you're the one controlling?
I spent two and a half hours in bed that night thinking about whether it's me that's really thinking.
-----------------------------
At 5.40pm on a Friday evening, only 7 people are online.
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Today on my journey from the side gate to the canteen (I take fifteen minutes to walk that short distance every morning because of the mega mega dread for school), I was counting the discrete number of things that went through my mind. There was a construction crane, graphic calculator, PE shirt, white lines on red background, a car plate, wanton mee, bubble tea shop uncle, a crescent moon, and many many more which I can't remember already. I lost count at 54 or 56. Then I felt my head burning like it can cook three eggs. So I tried to stop thinking, but it's impossible because even thinking nothing IS thinking.
I hate my brain. I'm envious of people like Jiahao. With the huge head and minute brain, his brain density must be really really low. D:
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There are things I wanted to say, but just realised I can't.
Today is an emo Friday. Like all Fridays are.
-----------------------------
Sing me songs that don't matter
watch only white birds fly
read me the ending of a novel
tell me everything is going to be alright
I hate it when I realise what I thought wasn't what it was. Especially when I was so sure of myself.
-----------------------------
Dash dash dash -----------------------------
5:25:00 PM because I say so
It started because I was thinking about the James Bulger thing we had to present for GP lesson (some 4 year old little boy got tortured and killed brutally, in the hands of a twelve and a thirteen year old). And one of the arguments is that the two teenage boys came from broken families, one of them had his father beating the mother up, and the brothers beating each other as a mark of authority. The whole story is pretty upsetting, especially the details of how they tortured James and yada yada.
Anyway, so the argument is that the family backgrounds of the boys caused their violence tendencies, and so in a way, they're victims of themselves since they did not know what they did was wrong. So I started thinking, if the environment can influence our thoughts and therefore our behaviour, isn't it scary to think everything we think and therefore everything we do now aren't actually what we are thinking and doing, but a result of everything that happened to us in the past? That in a way, whatever we think is a result of something we had not caused? And that therefore in a way, we aren't controlling our own thoughts?
And then I went on to think about the real power of our minds. And all those instances when something I was thinking about really happened, like those times when I imagined you-know-who appearing along the corridor and catching my barney red shoes and she really appeared. And that time when I was looking out of the window and imagining myself falling over and screaming, and then my mother came running out of the kitchen asking what happened. I didn't actually scream, I just imagined it. And no, I didn't scream without myself realising because my brother was at home and he heard zeroth noise.
Then I shudder to think some of these thoughts just come. You know, you don't really choose what you want to think. You can't. Even those times when you say, think of the good things, look on the bright side, you can't do so without thinking what are the bad stuff not to think about first. You can't not think of something without thinking about it first, get it?
And if we were all born humans alike, why is it that everyone's characters differ? Are we really born like that? Or did the environment make us what we are today? If two people do the exact same thing, see the exact same things, hear the exact same words, go through the exact same scenarios, at every exact same moment for their whole lives up till now, will they end up exactly like each other?
Can anyone be born purely evil?
Can you control what you're thinking? Are you sure you're the one controlling?
I spent two and a half hours in bed that night thinking about whether it's me that's really thinking.
-----------------------------
At 5.40pm on a Friday evening, only 7 people are online.
-----------------------------
Today on my journey from the side gate to the canteen (I take fifteen minutes to walk that short distance every morning because of the mega mega dread for school), I was counting the discrete number of things that went through my mind. There was a construction crane, graphic calculator, PE shirt, white lines on red background, a car plate, wanton mee, bubble tea shop uncle, a crescent moon, and many many more which I can't remember already. I lost count at 54 or 56. Then I felt my head burning like it can cook three eggs. So I tried to stop thinking, but it's impossible because even thinking nothing IS thinking.
I hate my brain. I'm envious of people like Jiahao. With the huge head and minute brain, his brain density must be really really low. D:
-----------------------------
There are things I wanted to say, but just realised I can't.
Today is an emo Friday. Like all Fridays are.
-----------------------------
Sing me songs that don't matter
watch only white birds fly
read me the ending of a novel
tell me everything is going to be alright
I hate it when I realise what I thought wasn't what it was. Especially when I was so sure of myself.
-----------------------------
Dash dash dash -----------------------------
5:25:00 PM because I say so